(A response to Adrienne's post and this article.)
Excerpts from the diary of Holger Nielsen
LHC construction day 197
Setbacks again! The external heatsink pumps are fried. Turns out they were put in backwards. ($10 million oopsy!) Ninomiya swore that he checked them, but he's been so clumsy lately. Too clumsy. I'm a bit suspicious.
LHC construction day 210
It does't even surprise me anymore when the flexor coils fail. Except this time, we found something really weird--a monogramed handkerchief, right between the 3rd and 4th layers! "H.B." was all it said. Hank Binslow was promptly fired. Find the problem and fix it; that's my motto.
LHC construction day 234
Reviewing the schematics in my living room last night, I had the eery sensation of someone watching me from the window. I didn't see anyone when I turned around, but then I heard a car screech away from the curb. Stuck to my front door with a Bowie knife was a note. "STOP THE PROJECT -- HIGGS."
LHC construction day 275
When I got to my computer today, I noticed that someone was still logged into FaceBook: "Higgs.Boson@particles.com. Birthday: July 2, 2011. Interests: homemade pasta, photography, creating black holes (J/K GUYS, LOL!)" Also, my entire hard drive was erased.
When I told my friend about this theory, he pointed out that the LHC is probably one of the most complicated machines ever made, so we can pretty much expect it to break a lot. Looks like Nielsen and Ninomiya are going to get a lot of "evidence" for their theory. If only it would come in the form of threatening letters and monogramed handkerchiefs (although I'm not sure how a particle would use such an item), they would have an even stronger case.
ReplyDeleteAlso, can we talk about how Holger Nielsen looks exactly like a bird? Some sort of crane, I think.